Confessions From Within

Jesus loves the little children,
all the children of the world
red, yellow, black and white
they're so precious in his sight
Jesus loves the children of the world.




Matthew Chapter 19
But Jesus said, Suffer little children,
and forbid them not, to come unto me:
for of such is the kingdom of heaven.

I had to blog on this subject today. It has been brought up several times in the last 24 hours.
I was asked earlier today, would I ever adopt again. I would if financially stable, and a father to help support the child. Would I adopt locally and private again? No, I doubt i would. I would go overseas for a precious one.
Would I get a baby? a toddler? an adolescent? or a teenager? boy? girl? Those are questions I cannot answer. It would all depend.
I was asked last night by someone i love, if things worked out, would i love his kids. Thats a question I shouldnt even been asked, but an understanding one. I certainly can understand that subject coming up in the conversation. And of course my answer was yes.

All this led to a bigger question, a question I asked myself. If Jesus loved all the little children of the world, why is there so much poverty? Why are children starving, dying, and abused?
In the bible Jesus says for all the little children come to him. What if these kids are not old enough to call upon him? What if they have never been taught to call upon him?

If you do a yahoo image search of Jesus with children, you will get many different images of Jesus with children, blessing them, loving them, feeding them, holding them, kissing them, laying his hands on them, and the list goes on.
But in every photo you do not see a crying child, or a starving baby, or an abused child.
They are all smiles and happy.
I would love to think that the portraits painted of this, is because they have already come to him, and he has given them new life.

I want to believe Jesus can help, i want to believe there is a God, I want to believe that children will no longer have to suffer. I want to believe that there is life after death, and all kids that have suffered under an abusive hand, starved and neglected, dead and gone, are safe in Jesus' arms, living the life they deserved to begin with.

I want to believe the millions that are reported being poured into make a wish foundation and feed the starving children, and unicef and all go to feeding the hungry..but after millions and millions why are there so many still starving? why are they still living in the streets? why all the diseases?

Why does Jesus let this happen.

I know i shouldnt question this, but i do.

Could i ever love another womans child? Yes, I could. I didnt give birth to my own kids, but I love them as if i did. I will never know the joys of giving birth, but i do know the joys of motherhood. I will never know the joys of carrying a baby, but i do know the sweet rewards when your child looks at you and says i love you.
Yes, sometimes i wished i could had kids of my own, but i knew early in life, i would never be able to.
It is not about whether whose kids they are, how well behaved they are, how ugly or how cute they are, a child is a child. what is there not to love?

If i could save one child from poverty and disease, I would feel i have done something to make a difference in this world.
I cannot stand looking at images of tears running down a dirt caked face. I cannot stand seeing images of a child with nothing but skin covering thier bones. But these are images that are real. we do not live in a fairy tale world. while we have a roof over our head, and a warm bed to sleep in, breakfast in the morning..there are kids sleeping on the streets, cold, wet and starving.
My heart goes out to them, I do not know them, but I love them.
If i love them, why not help them? I have sent money to the charities before, I recieved a photo of little boy before of whom i sponsored, and then 6 months later, I never received again. where di d my money go? Was the child real?
Maybe I should stop farming, maybe I should pack my kids and myself and travel to another part of the world, and see what help i could offer. What would i do? If i did nothing but tell them i loved them i would hope it would make a difference. but truthfully i dont think it would.
If i carried one bag of rice, how many could i feed for the day?
i could not save them all, but Jesus can. why doesnt he?

children hold a special place in my heart, they are taken for granted daily. Stop, look at your child, you are not guaranteed tomorrow with them, make it the best everyday!!

I was in the grocery store a couple of years ago. There was a little boy in the buggy being pushed by his mother. He was crying and his nose was caked with dried green snot, while fresh ran down from his nose as he cried. His mother kept saying "shut up jamal, shut the hell up now before i beat you senseless"
He continued to cry "but i want pop tots, i want pop tots"
"you not getting any fucking poptarts you retard"
I really wanted to slap the lady but knew it wasnt my place. I saw her go the check out counter, with a case of Bush beer, a bag of chips and a package of hamburger meat.
I followed. The child still screaming. I looked at my then 13 year old and asked her to go get me a box of poptarts, i didnt care what kind, but get the good kind.
She did. I was behind the woman at the checkout, i did not have all my groceries, she paid for her hamburger meat and chips with food stamps and her beer with cash. This seemed to get under my skin even worse.
Behind her back, i held the box of pop tarts up for the boy to see, he reached out to them, and i handed them to him.
"he dont need that shit" she said.
And i said "and you dont need that shit" i said nodding to the beer.
The kid tore into the unpaid pop tarts and took one out.
"you need to mind your business you nosey ass bitch" she said looking me up and down.
"Sure, youre right i do, but i wanted him to have the poptarts especially after you slapped him upside the head just before you told him no and grabbed your beer"
"this aint my beer carrot top" she said.
"well those arent my pop tarts, they are his now"
I handed the cashier 3 dollars in hopes it would cover the poptarts, she shook her head "dont worry about it" she said.
The woman walked off pushing the buggy mumbling something then she grabbed a pop tart from the box and ate one herself as she walked out the door.
Maybe the kid didnt need the poptarts, no i dont buy mine everything they want, but i damn sure dont buy a case of beer and slap them upside the head and call them retards.

Its people like that, that i dont understand why God would allow them to have children, and then deny people like who have so much love to give.



NOTE: Disturbing images below



I WOULD GIVE HER WARM CHICKEN NOODLE SOUP. I WOULD BATHE HER WEAK DELICATE BODY, IN LUSCIOUS SWEET SMELLING SOAP. I WOULD WASH HER HAIR AND CONDITION WITH THE FINEST OF SHAMPOO AND CONDITIONER. I WOULD CLOTHE HER IN A DRESS MADE OF FINE SOFT RED FABRIC WITH WHITE FLOWERS.
I WOULD TIE A RED RIBBON IN HER FINELY COMBED HAIR.
I WOULD THEN SIT HER DOWN AT MY TABLE AND FEED HER A MEAL SHE WOULD NEVER FORGET. I WOULD KISS HER SWEET CHEEKS AND TELL HER SHE WILL NEVER STARVE AGAIN.
JESUS WHERE ARE YOU?




I WOULD GIVE THEM BOTH A BED TO CALL THEIR OWN, COMFORT THEY HAVE NEVER FELT. I WOULD GIVE THEM SOFT WARM COTTON BLANKETS TO WRAP IN. PAJAMAS WITH THE FLANNEL SOFTNESS AGAINST THEIR SKIN. A HEATED HOME TO CALL THEIR OWN. A PILLOW MADE OF FINE DOWN TO LAY THEIR PRECIOUS HEAD ON.
JESUS WHERE ARE YOU?









If I was adopting, this is the child id choose. I dont need to know her name, nor her background. her face says it all.
I would give her all she deserved. I would always kiss those precious tears away.
I cannot describe the pain in my heart as i look at this photo. you can feel her pain, and i would promise her no more pain.
Jesus, where are you?





They may not can go to Jesus, but I can, Jesus where are you?

Tonight i remain.....loving those i do not know