Confessions From Within

I have been getting alot of people adding me to blog catalog from this blog. It makes me wonder are they really reading the blog, if they were, they would notice i have not blogged here in a very long time.
There is reason for this.
Before I quit writing in the particular blog, I was at a point in my life where I thought I was very content. I was happier than I had ever been, I had many plans, I was in love, and I was looking forward to moving on in the next chapter of my life with the one I loved.
The higher powers above had other plans. On Jan25th I was so excited to get home, so excited to call the love of my life and give him the good news. Little did I know that day my whole life would change. A drunk driver ran a stop sign and slammed into me, rolling my car, and severly injuring me. I sustained many broken bones in my pelvis, hip, and back. Some of my internal organs were damaged and needed repairing,, and I had a brain injury. I was in a medically induced coma for about a week and was in the hospital for almost a month.
My life was changed so dramitically and so quickly, and i had no control over it.
I couldnt accept my broken mind and body. I couldnt accept the fact that everything changed the way it did. I started shutting people out, the ones i loved, the ones that loved me. I became mean, biter and self centered. I was seeing a neuropsychologist for my brain injury and also in helping me deal with all that had happened.
As my brain started to heal more and more, I realized the person I had become, in that realization i realized I had lost the one I loved and pushed him away. That realization had come to late, he had already moved on with his life.
I realized the amount of people I had hurt along the way as I tried recovering, and the more i realized all this the more i started to hurt in the inside. I was a good person, why did God let this happen? In all my anger, i pushed all that mattered to me away. When I realized the damage I had done, i vowed that I would take a new stand, I would try and make things right, although i knew with one it was too late. Today he and I still talk about once a week real briefly, and i have reunited with my family again who remained patient with me through out it all.
I am now walking on crutches although very slowly! My brain is now functioning again like its suppose to, and I have made a promise to myself and the ones I love that I will never ever become that biter person again. I understand now that it will take time for my broken bones to heal, it will take time to get my life back, I have learned the word patience and I have learned the word Hope. Patience in knowing that its going to take time to recover completely. Hope..knowing that something better is instore for me, there is light at the end of the tunnel.
With patience I will reach Hope!
I have been blogging off and on, but I quit blogging here. this blog is a chapter in my life that has been closed.
If you have read this and still wish to follow me, then follow the link to my current blog, otherwise, this is the last thing im writing in this blog.
Haley

http://confessionsofageorgiabelle.blogspot.com/

This morning I woke in a pleasantly good mood, which is rather rare for me until I have a couple cups of coffee in me.
I stood at my kitchen counter, with a freshly brewed warm cup of coffee in my hand. I took a sip of the coffee turning toward my kitchen window. I love standing in my kitchen in the mornings looking out the window and wondering what the day is going to be like. I love watching the birds as they eat their morning breakfast of seed, pecans, grub, whatever they may find.
But this morning something caught my eye rather quickly. What in the hell was I seeing? I took my glasses off and cleaned the lens (i wear contacts but have my glasses on first thing when rising from bed). It was way too early for me to even comprehend what I was seeing.
I walked out to my back porch and sure enough it was what I thought it was....SNOW.
Excited, I called my brother Bobby and woke him "theres snow, wake up, wake your kids we have snow" I called my brother Steve and told him the same thing. Then I called my sister in SC only an hour away from me and told her to wake up and to see if she had snow, she wasnt pleased with me waking her. I ran through the house waking my little brother and my daughters. My brothers called me back a few minutes later, not living that far from me they both did NOT have snow.. I called my best friend, she didnt have any snow either. No one seemed to believe me actually, except my little brother and daughters as they saw for themselves. I put on some clothes and after another cup of coffee, MY best friend, my companion, my number one dog Stella and I went for a brief walk through the woods.
I just wanted to share with you my Georgia snow fall this morning.
Ok, ok, no rolling your eyes as you look at the pictures, just remember this is Georgia, we do not witness snow often!










AND HERE IS STELLA ALL WORN OUT FROM HER ROMP IN THE WOODS!



A couple of weeks ago, we had alot of wind, gusting up to 35 and 40 mph. I could hear the eerie sound of the pines as they swayed back and forth, creeking, popping and rubbing against eachother. Later during the day, our power went out. I figured it was the wind that caused it. I walked outside to be with the dogs, when I could smell smoke. I thought to myself someone was an idiot for burning a fire with all the wind.
Realization hit me then, that maybe one of my pines had fallen hitting the power line. I ran down into the woods, and sure enough, there was an old pine down, broke the power line, and part of the live wire was on the ground, the other still on the pine stuck inbetween other pines and it was burning. Freaking over something so small I called the volunteer fire dept. who basically just laughed at me when they walked down into the woods and saw the little flame. They told me they couldnt do anything about it till the power company came and shut the power down because of the live wire. anyhow, heres a photo of the tree still stuck in the trees, and the other part of it laying on the ground. Yea, yea i know real interesting. :-)





today i remain.....sad the snow is all gone :-)

I actually drive a 1998 Chevrolet Blazer. I love my Blazer, but a few months ago i ran into someone who had a Daihatsu Rocky for sale or trade.
I had never heard of one before and the person who wanted to sale it also wanted a small car for his teen. I had an accura integra that wasnt in that great of shape, and his Rocky just wasnt what his teen wanted. We traded vehicles, even trade. I actually felt kind of bad because the accura was really in bad shape and the Rocky was pretty nice and ran great!
But he assured me it was all good.

The above picture is not of my car, i took it from wikipedia, just so you can see what kind of car im talking about. they didnt make too many of them, and you really dont see any around here, atleast i never had. But my car looks identical to the one in the photo.
When gas prices were soaring the Rocky replaced my Blazer. It was fun to drive, it has 4 wheel drive like my blazer, 5 speed, and gets excellent gas milage.
My kids hate the Rocky they absolutely hate it.
As gas prices came down they talked me into driving the Blazer again, so i did. i will admit riding in luxury in my blazer is a much more smoother ride than the Rocky.

My 15 year old daughter wanted to spend the night with a friend last night. This particular friend's parents are very very very wealthy. They live in a very very very rich neighborhood and drive cadillacs and mercedes. They live in a quarter million dollar house. The neighborhood has a security guard at the entrance, so that pretty much tells you how ritzy it is.
So I let my daughter spend the night. That was no problem.

About 12ish she called me today to come pick her up. I had been lazy most of the morning, and it was rather chilly here. I had on my pajama top that hung down to my knees and that was it when she called. She was pretty much ready to come home because she said she was hungry and they didnt eat meat and when she told them a pnut butter and jelly sandwich would be good instead of some kind of vegetable thing they had, they told her they are all allergic to peanut butter.
She whisperd into the phone "hurry mama, im hungry i havent since yesterday at lunch"

I felt sorry for my child, i love food, and to not eat since lunch yesterday this was an emergency haha.
I pull on some jogging pants real quick, and put on a long sleeve tshirt, i slid my barefeet into a pair of clogs and holler at my other daughter that i was leaving incase she wanted to ride and she did.
I had no intention of getting out of the car so i didnt even take time to take my hair down and brush it either.
We jump in the blazer and i noticed i didnt have much gas, so we jumped out of the Blazer and into the Rocky.

I am almost at the ritzy neighborhood when i noticed the tempature gage was almost on
H !!
Well shit, i was running hot!
I was thinking i might could make it to thier house, before it completely ran hot.
I told the security guard at the gate where i was going and why. He said "mam your car is running hot" Like i couldnt see the steam pouring from my hood over the top of the roof .
I really wanted to say "no shit sherlock" at this point and bit my tongue instead, and said "yes im aware of that" and i pulled off.
Little did i remember that this neighborhood had speed bumps!!
i was trying to really hurry at this point. The Rocky is a 5 speed automatic so slowing and changing gears would slow me down.
NOT only was I completely on H now, and steam galore pouring out, I was also going about 35 in a 15 mph zone with speed bumps.
I must say the Rocky did real well jumping those speed bumps.

Finally I get to thier house. My daughter Aimee was standing outside with her friend so i would see her so i wouldnt miss the house. (not like i could miss the mansion amongst other mansions). My other daughter Shelby was holding on for dear life!
I turn the corner and come to a stop right in front of thier house and shut the car off.
Aimee's face turned 10 thousand shades of red.
I jumped out...forgetting what i looked like. The childs mother and father were standing on the HUGE front porch.
I said "hey Aims, i made it, had a little trouble but i made it"
She shook her head "mama youre so embarrasssing!"
I wave at the childs parents who are standing on the porch, and i start walking toward them.
I sware i think thier mouths were wide open. I said "Im running hot, can I get a jug of water?"
She said "sure, yes of course" and turned to go inside.
The father just stood there looking like a complete dork. It was then that i realized one thing....the way i was dressed. Long sleeve tshirt, NO BRA, jogging pants pulled up to my knees, and clogs! plus riding in a Rocky with steam pouring from beyond the hood, not to mention my hair was all over my head.
I tried pulling it off with grace, by wrapping my arms around me and saying"wow its cold today huh"
He didnt flinch. Alrighty then! I turn to walk back to my steaming car.
The lady comes outside and is walking toward me.
I thought i was going to fall over dead.
She handed me a bottle of Dansani bottled water. OMG! i know i can be air headed sometimes but this just beat all i had ever seen.
I explained that i needed alot of water to pour in the radiator when it cooled!
she said "oh ok, i thought you were just mad and upset and wanted water, i get like that sometimes"
i wanted to say something smart assed again, but again i bit my lip.
I looked over at Aimee and told her to give up her coat., she handed it over to me. i had to uncross my arms and i really didnt want to give the nerdy dad another show.

He finally walked off the porch and said i needed to take the cap off. I told him i didnt think that was such a bright idea, my patience was running thin at this point. i explained to him that if we popped the cap now we probably would get seriously burned.
HE HAD THE AUDACITY to ask me WHY!!
"Do you NOT hear the water freaking boiling" i almost yelled. I also did not say freaking..i said the F word. I told you my patience was running really thin.
I told Aimee to call Lonnie (my little brother who lives with me) and tell him i may need some help!!
After the car cooled, i opened the cap, started the car, poured water in it, left the cap a little lose, thanked them for Aimee's stay, apologized for the way i was dressed and for being a little rude, i was having a bad minute, and off i went.
Shelby had her head hung low, Aimee was not speaking to me.
When i asked them what the problem was ..In unison as if they rehearsed it "mama youre so freaking embarrassing!"

We didnt make it a mile when i had to pull over into a convenience store and call my brother again. "bring the blazer and the tow dolley, im not going to make it home" i said.
As i was saying this to him on the phone soon as i parked and turned the car off....BOOOOM!!!!
I blew the radiator hose. about 10 people just turned and looked at us. my 15 year old daughter muttered 'shit' under her breath, my 13 year old said "thats it, i will never ever ride in this car again!!!"

Once home, my brother checked it out. i did blow the radiator hose, but the thermostat was stuck causing it to run hot. Unfortunately for them, i didnt blow the car up!!!
Thats one tough Rocky!!! Jumps speed bumps at 35 with ease, overheats to the max and still Survived!!!
Yep, I think im keeping the Rocky!

She was pregnant. He had just saved her from a fire in her house, rescuing her by carrying her out of the house into her front yard, then he continued to fight the fire.

When he finally got done putting the fire out, he sat down to catch his breath and rest.

A photographer from the Charlotte , North Carolina newspaper, noticed her in the distance looking at the fireman.

He saw her walking straight toward the firefighter and wondered what she was going to do.

As he raised his camera, she came up to the tired man who had just saved her life and the lives of her babies and kissed him just as the photographer snapped this photo.

Max is an American Pit Bull Terrier. I run and operate Haley's Haven. I rescue and rehabilitate pit bull terriers, once these babies are ready for a new and exciting home, I adopt them out.

On a cold February morning. He was cold and starving. Max was all bones. He looked as if his skin had been painted on him. Max showed no signs of aggression, his eyes said it all when he looked at me "Help Me".
I took Max from the officers arms "he snapped at me so becareful" he spoke. "NO, he wont bite me" i told the officer as I cradled Max's head in my arms.
I took him in the house, away from the kennels to a nice warm cozy bed, and laid him down. I sat beside him as my daughter prepared some broth and rice for him. I stroked his face with the back of my hand. His big beautiful golden eyes closed. He tried to open them again but it took so much effort on his part. I whispered to him "you will never have to suffer again Precious" and I meant every word I said. As if he understood me, his body went limp. "mama is he dead?" my other daughter asked. I shook my head, Max was just relaxing. He sensed, he knew, he was safe. When the mixture of broth and rice was ready, I put it under his nose, so he could breathe in the smell. He tried to lift his head to lap it up, but was to weak. I lifted the skin on the nape of his neck. it remained standing, he was so dehydrated. I got up from the floor and got the big syringe i sometime use and some pedialyte from the cabinet. I injected the liquid into maxs mouth forcing him to swallow. He needed the electrolytes. When I felt he had enough, i then filled the huge syringe with broth and slowly injected into his mouth a little at a time, still forcing him to swallow. He trembled. I didnt know whether he was cold or scared. Probably a mix of both. My daughter grabbed another blanket for him, and i covered him up and wrapped him up tight. Every hour or so sometimes less, I kept liquids in Max through the syringe. That night, I laid my sleeping bag down beside him and my two pillows and I slept by his side. I would not let him wake to a strange enviroment, scared, hungry, and alone.
The next morning Max woke with a small growl. I opened my eyes, and saw his golden eyes looking at me. "Goodmorning precious, what are you growling for?"
He growled again, his golden eyes wide open. "i took you in, dont growl at me, I will fix you some breakfast"
I slowly rose from the floor, and carefully as to not frighten or alarm him.
I reheated his broth and rice mixture and brought it to him, setting it just infront of his bed, to where he would have to get up to get it. He looked at me and thumped his tail a few times on the floor. He then army crawled to the bowl and lapped it all up. His tail hitting the floor what seemed about 50mph he looked at me with his eyes pleading for more, but too much would have made him sick.
That night Max wanted up from his bed, I led him outside to use the bathroom. His poor body shook against the cold. Once I opened the door to let him back in, he ran to his bed and plopped down wagging his tail. "awww youre going to be just fine" i said to him.

Over the course of 2 months or so Max and I became best friends. He was always so eager to learn new things, but a little stubborn with others, but one thing about Max, he was always eager to love. Thats all he begged for was love. A kiss, a scratch behind his ears, a belly rub, a back rub, what ever involved your touch.
Max always showed such gratitude.

Max would often go walking with me in the woods . He was a good listener. I would always talk to him as we walked. I would tell him things that were bothering me, or I would tell him something that happened at work, it didnt matter, i just talked to him. And from to time Max would look up at me when i got quiet as if to say "go on, im listening", and i would talk some more to him.

Today Max left me. It was a hard choice to make, I almost didnt want to let Max go. His love, his gratitude, and his stubborness made me real attached to him, and made me love him so much.
I knew the new owners would provide good care, excellent care, and good home. I was scared he may not get along with thier other dog, so I had them bring her here one day for Max to meet her. They sniffed eachother, and they were fine. I asked for the dog to be brought to Max several times through out the last 2 weeks, and Max had gotten to know his new parents and play mate.
Today, I held Max's leash over to his new Mama and Daddy. I tried to hold back the tears. I had already had a horrible morning, now i was adopting Max out. I just wanted to take the leash, snap it lightly and say "go" and us run through the woods as fast as we could, slowing ourselves to a trot then to a walk where i could release my fears, cares, and worries to him. He would listen, and his golden eyes would say "go on, im listening".
But that would be no longer, i couldnt hold the tears back any more, they fell like rain.
I apologized and got down on my knees and held max tightly against me and cried into his shoulders. When i pulled away he licked my tears, he licked my cheeks over and over as if to say "Its ok, go on, im listening" i just smiled at him and kissed his beautiful red nose.

I said my last goodbye, I could not watch him leave. I turned my back on him, I freaking turned my damn back on him. I heard the van pull away. I turned my back on him, why? My own selfishness? Never once did he ever turn his back on me, not once.
I ran down to the pastures as fast as i could to my brother, and grabbed his cell phone. I dialed thier cell number "bring him back, im sorry, i just need to see him one last time, i turned my back on him, he never turned his on me, i need to say goodbye one more time".
To my surprise i saw the van pulling back in the driveway. I ran to the side door and opened it. Max was sitting tall and proud in the seat. He never moved, he just looked at me with those beautiful gold eyes as if to say "Go on, Im listening"

I told him how much i loved him, how much he meant to me, and that he could always come visit anytime he wanted. I told him he would be living in a house with his new girlfriend and he would sleep on a couch, and his new owners would give him the best care and love. I kissed his cheeks and hugged him. He licked my face and turned his head toward the front window. he was ready to go. I said goodbye and shut the door to the van. I waved goodbye to Max as they drove away.

About 2 hours later I recieved an email from Max's new owners. I smiled, he is happy.
His new girlfriend sure is making him feel safe and welcome. lol.

Please take a few minutes out of your scheledule and watch this video. I promise you it will bring a smile to your face, maybe even laugh so hard you cry.
I have been dealing with a migraine so I dont have alot to say, but please check out this hilarious video.

Today I remain....hopeful

Looking out my window this morning the heavy rain had died down to a drizzle. I watched the muddy stream of water run downhill to the waiting mud puddle. I dreaded the morning, I dreaded the day. I honestly did not feel like slopping around in all the mud and wetness this morning.
Steam rose from my coffee in hand, i took a sip savoring the taste. I love my coffee. Im a coffee freak. "GET UP NOW, LAST TIME IM TELLING YOU" I yelled. I was yelling at my 2 teen daughters who will not get out of bed for school.
I watched the grey skies turn darker, and the drizzle began to get heavier.
Suddenly I wanted to be a kid again. I wanted to jump in the huge mud puddle, I wanted sing and dance in the rain.
Why the sudden change? only seconds ago I dreaded slopping in the mud, now i wanted to play in the mud.
I heard footsteps in the hall. "im sick of the rain mama!" a grouchy shelby said as she entered the bathroom.
I wondered if she thought i could end the rain?
The toilet flushed. "Get out of my way" a grouchy Aimee snapped. Assuming she was making her way to the bathroom now.
I did not get up early this morning, no, i wanted to sleep in. I do not even remember saying good night to him. Did I fall asleep on him?
"mama where are my black jeans?"
"mama do we have any breakfast?"
"mama! Nora wont get off my bed"
"mama! whats for breakfast" (didnt i hear that one already?)
"Shut UP!!" a loud boom from my brother who has moved in with us for a little while longer.
"You shut up Lonnie, MAMA! Is Mama still in the house? MAMA!! whats for breakfast?"
The rain looked so peaceful, i wondered if raindrops spoke to eachother.
"MAMA!!"
I turn the voice echoing through my room, i see shelby with hands on her hips. "mama we are going to be late why did you let us over sleep?"
ME????? yea blame me! I remained quiet and turned back to my window.
Then it hit me, these are the sounds of my life, these are the sounds of my love, these are the sounds that i would truly miss if anything should happen to them.
I walk down the hall to the stairs..hmm lonnie said he would not be coming home but didnt i hear him yell shut up? I peek in his room, yep he is in the bed. "when did you come in?" I asked.
"about 4" he said turning over and throwing his pillow on his head.
In the kitchen i find Aimee eating a poptart.
I make another cup of coffee.
The dogs start to wrestle, the growls of two massive dogs rolling around on the floor about to engage in tug of war, thier mouths on the cloth, they begin to tug, the growls becoming louder.
"MAMA HAVE YOU EVEN WASHED MY JEANS?"
"WHY DOES EVERYONE HAVE TO YELL?" lonnie himself yells.
"Shut up Lonnie, Mama's pissed, shes not talking" Shelby yells.
I smile, no I was not pissed.

Aww the sweet sounds of morning. I wondered how he is going to feel waking to these sounds?

I feel much better today, we talked of my fears somewhat last night.
My fear of loving and losing.
Yes, i admit, i feared loving so deeply and losing him and though the fear is still there, atleast now he knows how i feel.
I smile, hes so understanding, why didnt i just tell him to begin with?"

"MAMA, WHERE ARE MY BLACK JEANS"
"we are going to get detention for being late again"

"MAMA, tell aimee to shut up"
"MAMA SHELBY CALLED ME A BITCH"
"NO I DIDNT"

my piano invites me, one of the dogs bump me in the leg while playing tug of war.
RIP! Nora wins
Oh shit, its the missing black jeans.



Yes, the sweet sounds of morning.


Today I remain............quietly inlove