Piano Therapy  

Wednesday, December 3, 2008

A writer expresses their emotions through a pen and paper or keyboard and screen. An artist, through paint, pastels, pencils the images flow on canvas or sketchpad of the emotions that engulf them. A muscian expresses these feelings through their music. A pianist expresses through the ivory keys.
This morning, I let everything that was flaming inside of me be released, extinguished through my fingers on to the ivory that laid beneath my finger tips. Anger from harsh words spoken between two sisters, anger from the annoyance of my job, anger from my children, my brother, my employees. Today was not a good morning, I needed to get away. I ran home, through the woods, fighting the branches against my long sleeves. The nature went unnoticed, i was being consumed with too much anger. I fought the tears that burned my eyes, i would not release with such a weakness.
Inside she sat, calling me to her, she would feel my anger, she would take it away. The divine ebony of her beauty glistened under the suns rays through the window. The ivory laid waiting.
I had no certain song to play. I laid my fingers on the keys, my mind spinning like a tornado on a spring day. Linkin Park prevailed, seems their songs are always the ones I play when im lost in thoughts. His lyrics seem to always describe the very entity of me of what ever i feel. Bleed It Out rang through the quiet, empty house followed by What Ive Done. I could feel all my anger easing, but still so much consumed me. Fall For You came out better than I could have every played, "I'm entranced by you, im enthralled by you". No, those are not lyrics, but words spoken to me that ring through my mind. When the day comes, hold my face in your hands,let me feel your touch, look me in the eyes and speak those words to me, for me to hear, to watch your lips move as you speak them, kiss my lips, feel the softness against yours.
Those thoughts in me, anger subsides, melodies change, even without you, you spirit lingers, i feel your presence, cause your presence still lingers here and it wont leave me alone, a verse by Evanescence. My Immortal played so many times over the years her awesome melodic voice, her energy, her love, is felt through every song, just like i feel as i play for you. you cant hear me, but i played for you.
You read into my mind, you knew my secret, i didnt want to share, you knew, and it scared me.
My guard down, you walked right through, and for this im angry again.
Breaking Benjamin, Breath..."You take the breath right out of me.
You left a hole where my heart should be."
I played this song 3 times, why? because i love to play this song, its my masterpiece, someone elses song, I change the melody a fraction, just to my own.
I can no longer think, i can no longer feel, im numb, linkin park again.
I need to make peace with my sister, i got too mad, i said some harsh words. She was only telling me the truth i suppose.
I push the bench under the piano, the legs squeek against hardwood floor. Once again, she took my thoughts, my dreams, my anger, my love and she made it melodic in her sublime keys.
I remain......a pianist

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